TOS TAMED(?)

Or am I just grateful for TOS, not… but yes(?)

I CAN, I CAN the little train said.

This is what I just wrote NEUROTALK (see services link on home page)  & wanted to share with you all here on our blog.

When our CHRONIC PAIN is leading us into oblivion, what do you do?     Share with others what can be done to help them, help me help them help us all.

What can we do to live a life worth of what we lost?   Why is our life worthy anymore?   Do you rant, scream, pop more pills, throw things (haha, like we can throw), hate the world, play the blame game, cry? Yep, we do all of it and more. And you know what? I just realized its OK. If we weren’t angry with what we have been left with we would be numb, brain dead.
And we’re ALIVE, we have each other!

Over the last 11 years I have come to realize that these negative “angry at the world”, angry at the insurance company (cause they deny, delay just our medical necessity’s), our family or attorneys dont understand its these emotions that created more pain for me, more unhappiness, more bitterness.   Master P said something, looong ago which just clicked, just came to fruition recently.    I have to control my pain, I have to control the negativity in my life and not let everything around me control ME!   And if I can do this one day at a time, one moment at a time.    I am much better off pain wise and know life can be full of gratitude.    LET IT GO, let it all go

  • I am grateful for ALL I have met on NT the last decade(?)!
  • I am grateful for the close & very intellectual patients & friends here on NT!
  • I am grateful you steered me in the right direction to all the physicians I choose!I am grateful for life!
  • I am grateful we can help others!

This week has been exhausting yet EXHILARATING.  Yesterday in my home town Porterville, California.   I made it home after TOO MANY YEARS DUE TO TOS?    My baby cousin Cary was laid to rest, snif snif.     Left behind 14 year old twin boyz & a son 19.     You see…I wasnt going to go due to the pain, due to the car ride, due to how many reasons why I cannot do or go.   Geeze, I can barely make it to Dr. Jordan in Santa Monica.   Pooey, we can WE CAN do it everyone.  JUST DO IT!   Thinking too hard strains & stresses our muscles.  That split second decision to get in the car & go was the best decision at the moment.  Being the saddest of times for my family the memorial service was a happy place to re-visit our lives together, listen to his buddies stories & most important being with FAMILY.    Hold them close, hold them tight then tell them how much they are loved.

The connections and reconnections are the circle of  life.    FAMILY & friends is what life’s about! And your MY friend!  And please world,   let this only be the beginning.  Give me the strength to help others, appreciate others, teach others, love each other.    Life isnt about what we dont have, its what we do have & what we do with it.     It takes a life time to learn these lessons especially with a disabling condition that has taken away your life, your soul, your career, your worth, your family & bank accounts.

Major wake-up call!
FAMILY is all we have, family is everything.   Now we are family.  Yes, we have worked ourselves to the bone as  life passes by.   Yes, we have health issues as life passes by.    Get the  heads out of the clouds & plant the feet firmly.   I get it now, i so get it.   Mine came with cancer, the anger with TOS at the world & it has come with the family losses, snif snif yet so much gratitude of connecting & reconnecting.   Health & family, nothing else comes close. Absolutely nothing.

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